Vertigo

“Anyone whose goal is “something higher” must expect some day to suffer vertigo. What is vertigo? Fear of falling? Then why do we feel it when the observation tower come equipped with a sturdy handrail? No, vertigo is something other than the fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts us and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which, we defend ourselves.”

This is a beautiful quote by Milan Kundera in his book “The Unbearable Lightness of Being.” The word vertigo is defined as a feeling of spinning round and being unable to balance, caused by looking down from a height. Kundera extrapolates this word and creates a new meaning to it. It is thus transformed from a sense of confusion (spinning around) caused by a fear of height in the literal sense, but to a sense of confusion in the realms of the metaphysical world.

In short, Vertigo is the INSUPERABLE desire to… to fall.

It is INSUPERABLE because it is a severe problem that has no solution to it.

It is a desire (and not a good one) because it is a temptation to fall from a higher place

It is the voice of the emptiness which reminds us of how lonely we are up there alone.

It is the nostalgic lost memories of the little child inside us, desperately reminding us of how happy we were before, crying while pleading us not to leave them behind.

Why must we be expect some day to suffer from vertigo and defend ourselves from the little child in us? I describe the emptiness as a child because I think of it as something innocent and primitive. I will give you an analogy using a short story I came up with.

Let’s say that you are a soul in heaven waiting in line to decent to Earth as a new born child. Every unborn child is just an empty vessel/shell without a soul waiting to be filled up by the souls in heaven. Before you descent, an Angel comes up to you and asks you this question:

“Dear child, you have a choice to choose between two families (the empty vessel) of which one of them you will be born into a great family, a world of immeasurable wealth but at the same time of neglect, loneliness and sadness. You will be a man of great success, an important figure and will be remembered centuries after your death.

The other family will be one of constant poverty. Your family will have problems meeting basic ends meet. You will be showered infinite love from your family. You will be born retarded and live a short and insignificant life, but because of your innocence you will not know of suffering and live all your life a happy child.”

The goal of “something higher” is the first family in the story, and the vertigo (desire to fall) that we face is that of the second family (the child that we defend against).

The INSUPERABLE question is, which family would you choose?