Fragile

People are so fragile. When we face emotional turbulence lose all composure. We fail our examinations, we feel like failures. We cry, we feel scared, anxious and worrisome. We feel useless, stupid and rejected. What really bothers me is why we feel that way. How did we even grow up with that ideologies instilled in our heads?

I believe in the greater good in people. I wish people could just believe that in themselves.

Since when does failing make you a failure? When we were a child and embarked on the stage of learning how to walk, we all fell. But we got up. And we fell. And we got up. But I don’t’ recall myself getting up ruffled up and EMO over falling. When I was in primary school my dad first bought me a 2 wheel bicycle and taught me how to ride the bicycle, I fell and I got up and fell again but I enjoyed every moment of it. To me life is a learning process. Can’t we adopt these childlike learning attitudes into our adult learning years?

Here’s another thing that bothers me. When friends (you) say (said) something like this to me:

“Mok! You don’t understand since you don’t fail like me and ALWAYS get good grades. I study so hard and still fail. I feel so stupid”

Since when did I ALWAYS get good grades? I fail in my examinations like everyone. I study hard and I still fail. I’m not some E=MCSQUARE Einstein and I do feel little foreign and distant when you say things like that to me. Look at me. I’m just as human as you. I face emotional turbulences just like everyone else. I checked my grades today through the school’s student portal. Guess what I got?

Want a clue? The moment I saw it a big smile stretched across my face. Know why? I got NN for my financial accounting. NN is a fail grade btw. Ironic isn’t it. It’s the crappy grade. It’s the grade failures get. It’s the grade useless people and stupid people get. I KID YOU NOT! Do I, the alien, not understand how YOU feel? You just don’t see my crying and wallowing in self pity and here’re some of the reasons why.

REASON ONE

I believe that when you fail, you face a crossroad of 2 choices. You can choose to be the victim, of the victor. Same situation and same circumstances but 2 difference choices.

The victim blames. Common everyday excuses include:

“The lecturer sucks.”
“Not enough time to study”
“The lecturer did not teach everything he ought to have taught”

I have heard these excuses countless times and I’m so sick of it. Though these reasons may be true, blaming things that are outside your control will not improve your grades. Everyone ought to instead first take responsibility for their actions before criticizing external factors. When I say take responsibility, I do not mean putting yourself down and calling yourself stupid and useless. I’m saying that you should do something constructive to benefit yourself.

For example, instead of assigning the blame on the lousy lecturer for your poor grades, since during the 3-4 month period, you as the student know that the lecturer blows, have you put in sufficient and adequate effort on your part to make up for the lousy lecturer?

What about the victor? He learns.
”I study so hard and still fail. I feel so stupid” --------- FUCK THIS!

It should instead be “I study so hard and still fail, I must be using the wrong method of studying.”
Or “Maybe I should study smart instead of study hard”

In so doing, you will learn new methods of studying and improve yourself in the process. When you put yourself down by calling yourself stupid and useless, you leave yourself no room for improvement. After all, what is the cure for stupidity? It is like Aids. There is NO CURE!

Me? I choose to be the victor. What about you?

REASON TWO

Its late, I’m tired I will update this another day and hopefully correct whatever needs to be corrected.

My thought of the day

It's funny how one decision made will alter the lives of 2 people.

Soul Mates

I love taking long bus trips, with earphones plugged into my ears, listening to good music on a good ol’friday, especially after a long week of exam preparations and tests. Yesterday, as I was on my way to Marina Square on Bus 75 and on my way home on Bus 171, it provided me ample time to substantiate my thoughts regarding the issue of girls and my criteria’s required in selecting a soul mate. Usually, a relationship moves from:

Friends > Good friends > Establishing BGR > Marriage > and maybe divorce.

And sometimes it moves from:

>Boi says to gal: Wanna Fuck?

>Gal: Sure! *Shy* hehe!

The latter is what people often call one night stands. My friends and I call such relationship FFFFF, F5. (Friends, fuck, fuck, fuck, forget). Therefore, what description more apt than “soul mate” since it bypasses the possibilities of marriage and the temporariness of F5s?

Anyway, one thought remains prevalent in my mind, which is the issue of having a soul mate who clubs and fucks. Forgive my crudeness, I just thought that it rhymes as well as it goes hand in hand. Wait a minute, shouldn’t it be, drinking and smoking which should go hand in hand with clubbing? Yes I know, I’m a typical, stereotypical bastard. So sue me. Thankfully, I do know girls who clubs just to dance, who do not drink, smoke or fuck around. I’m still entitled to my own viewpoint nonetheless. From a broader perspective or a bird’s eye view, going clubbing just to dance, though it may seem a perfectly innocent reason to club, does not compliment the ideal of being perfectly decent, juxtaposing the rationale that stealing food to feed your starving family, though a good intention does not make you a perfectly good person.

As for me, I admit that I was once a frequent clubber, and I did enjoy the momentary pleasure it invokes. Also, I did notice that the frequencies of females who club, are generally more interesting, more outgoing, more intelligent and dress better, as compared to the norm (all depending on which club you go to). To me, those are good assets to have. Unfortunately it gives rise to the paradox of want. In which, I want “more” of my soul mate yet I do not want her to club. Sad to say, I find it difficult to will both instances simultaneously because to want more, is to have less. I read in an ex-classmates blog and he relates this to the stigma of social idealism versus social reality.

As to why I’m against finding a soul mate who clubs, here are two of my main reasons:

1. Less chances of her fooling around. I opine that it is easier to place my trust in a girl who does not club.
2. Less chances of her getting unwillingly taken advantaged of. (I mean come on. Which boyfriend in the right frame of mind would like his girlfriend’s buttocks or wherever to be touched by hormone raging perverts or ahnehs other than him, himself?)

I would like to highlight the irony of “getting unwillingly taken advantaged of.” –
Since, one would know the chances of being unwillingly touched while clubbing is highly probable and when one makes the decision to club, one is willingly risking the chances of being molested. Hence the word “unwilling” contradicts itself in this notion. To put it in a different approach, one cannot will an event from happening, and another event from not happening, if both events occur simultaneously. To will one event to happen is to will both. My friend Evan, describes such girls as sluts, hoes or used tissue. I'd rather put it in a less obscene manner and describe these party girls as "girls looking for a good time."

In a nutshell, I have decided NOT to compromise my standard of my soul mate of NOT falling into the category of "girls looking for a good time" with the exception of the occasional over-excessive infatuation that I may face. Would lust be a better word in place of infatuation? I can't really tell the difference. Than again, infatuations usually never last for me. If by now you have read to this point and happen to be a clubber, don’t hate me. I like you the same as before. After all, I do honestly enjoy clubbing and the only difference is that I’ve made the decision not to club... with certain exceptions of course. :)