Ruptured

Images of you become increasingly distant,

memories are strange when you are a stranger.

Everything I was, I am now and will be,

is visited on me and threaded together,

ubiquitously from a different vantage point.

You were to me a ludicrous picture and desire,

but for those few precious fleeting moments I had it.

Hopes to live an idyll life was it an unrealistic ideal,

a dichotomy of separation from dreams and reality?

O God, give me back the day that was stolen from me.

I was confronted by something unutterable;

Your impassive nonchalance and idea of euphemism,

your perfunctory ridicule, it was all epiphany to me.

You ruptured a passage and through this imbroglio,

abandoned and left me stranded inside a no man's land.

All fear, uncertainty and despair dissolved;

This feeling embraces me, comforts me and opposes me.

It is determined to keep myself from existentialism,

from spending the remaining years of my life on life-support,

transfused against loneliness and only pretending to be alive.

-Mok

Flashback

I remember the time when we were walking along some old street, and we came across a really creepy looking house with a driveway larger than my house itself and concluded that it was an abandoned "haunted" house.

We decided to have a little adventure and trespassed past the gates to take a look at what was inside. When we almost reached the main door of the house, the house was lighted and there were people inside. There was also a blacked-furred watch dog which noticed us. We tried to sneak out quietly but that overgrown hell-hound of a dog decided to chase the living-shit out of us. That must be the fastest 100m sprint I ever made. When we were out safely and out of hot pursuit we had a good laugh at how retarded we were. Ghost house!? What were we thinking?

I remember the time when it was past midnight, how you snuck over to my place and gave me a call. You said you wanted the both of us to go on some ghost hunting expedition. We went over to the haunted mansion at the top of the hill, climbed over the gates and after that realized we could not see any donkey crap cause we forgot to bring our torch lights. We climbed up to the Level 3 balcony through the stairs that is now broken and and spent the night trying to scare each other with half-assed ghost stories.

Those were good old the days.

Cerulean

I thought about you under the cerulean sky,

The grass rustles as the breeze flows by.

The flowers dances and the cicadas sing,

Heaven smiles at the merriment you bring.

You were standing all alone by the silent sea,

Gazing past the endless horizon, what did you see-

You saw nothing but a vast vacuum of emptiness,

Void of love, you lived a detached life of loneliness.

Winter forces its way in without warning,

The wind-up bird winds up the blissful spring.

My feelings lay dormant, things I wanted to say-

My heart yearns for you, I wish you would stay.

Everything idyll becomes alien when you are gone,

The cicadas weep for you, the withering flowers forlorn.

You were so much more beautiful than you ever knew,

If only you could believe in yourself as I believed in you.

-Mok

I'm bored

Faith

A little girl
All alone in her own world.

She does not see,
nor does she hear
But the pain she does fear.

Faithless and angry
At a God who she blames
for depriving her of many.

The things she does not believe,
From someone who would never leave.

The love he has for her,
The hope he fills her with everyday
The things she wishes she could say,
To the people she wishes away.

-Marianne

Everything I Never Wanted

I don't want to like you
But I do
I don't want to feel this way about you
But I do

I don't want to be with you
But I am
I don't want to be in love with you
But I am
You're just everything I never wanted.

-Melody Nicole

The Light's Shadow

I'm republishing this and deleting the one posted in April because the backward link to this post is broken. In case you are wondering, this was written a really long time ago, and it does not signify anything more besides the fact that it's my favourite piece.

The Light's Shadow

You are a light that shines within me,
illuminating the darkness around.

Your serenity is a beauty surround,

your presence a holy resonance.

Silently, you stole my lingering sadness,

and replaced it with a temporal happiness.

But girl, every light that shines,

casts a shadow upon whoever it shines on.

and baby, in the purity of your innocence,

don't you realize that I am his shadow,

living in the darkness of your light?

Seduced and forgotten,

I can't help but fear the uncertainties of tomorrow,

because I know that I do not belong to your world,

nor are you here to stay in mine.

As always, you leave as cruelly as you came,

and cruelly, you return what's rightfully mine and more -

This melancholy of lingering sadness,

the ever yearning for your return.

In desperation, I've come to realize this:

That destiny can break a man much more than it can bless him,

and I can't stop failing, to remember to forget you.

-Mok