Why I hate shopping

I spent the afternoon today at Takashimaya’s Kinokuniya bookstore today. It was of my original intention to shop for some clothes but it was too crowded to my liking such that I had even trouble pacing my footsteps. Anyway, since I spent the day alone, I had a lot of time to organize my thoughts and observe the surroundings around me, of which unfortunately, many of them has left me disturbed and increasing perplexed.

It may seem heartless and hypocritical to even think or mention this in writings but over the years every time I walk through the underpass that leads Orchard MRT station to Wisma Atria, there is always this blind musician who plays the organ and sings along to crowd for a living. I have noticed him there ever since I was in Secondary two (that is roughly 9 years ago), and in my secondary school years I have always made it a point to give a little of my loose change to him. I guess that is the way I have been brought up, and I often recall during Primary school how my mother would give me a dollar to offer to the man sitting at the side of the aisle with an empty tin can in front of him, looking as pitiful as he can be. I do not know when the change began, but as I grew older, it has come to my realization that these people and that includes beggars has began to gradually irritate me. It is not because I despise their jobs and their inability to make decent living for themselves but it is the realization that, whatever pennies and I gave in the past years have not in the slightest way seem to improve their standard of living. In a way, it is a form of naivety thinking that I can somehow change the world in small acts of kindness.

There was originally one blind musician in that underpass before but today, what do I see? There are now a total of three guys sitting in that overly crowded aisle and I for one do not know to whom is more deserving of receiving the spare change that I carry in my wallet. Is the blind guy who plays music next to the crippled guy who is unable to use his limbs to play music more deserving of the penny I carry? It fills me with great regret and undeserving hypocrisy that when given such choices, the best course of action to me is inaction; if any form of altruism does not serve a purpose what is the point to it? Also I find it pretty ironic that the moving billboards along that underpass, warrants more attention than the fact that aisle is almost full of people in need of compassion and empathy, but are unable to gather the tiniest fraction amongst the tens of thousands of people that pass by each day with myself as a perfect example of how consumerism today has blinded myself and many others of their surroundings that really matter.

I walked into Top-shop, Lacoste, French Connection, Guess, Calvin Klein, Puma and Zara today. I suppose after walking through that underpass I was not in the mood to buy any clothes for myself not to mention the fact that facing so many choices of brands and merchandise around has rendered me unable to choose upon alternatives. I wanted a nice and comfortable sweater. Guess had one vintage piece in which I liked particularly. It costs $99. And than I was at Puma and upon the encouragement of my friends to buy a bag that is able to fit the things I carry to school, I noticed a brown sling bag that costs around the range of $80. I wanted a pair of T-shirt from Top-shop and FCUK too. It cost $49 and $69 respectively. Than I think to myself that I left home with the intention of spending no more than $120 and no matter what I choose, I am unable to buy even two of the items that I like. Any item that I choose will leave me unsatisfied not because I do not like the item, but because I know whatever I choose, I will end up regretting the purchase. So I think to myself how wonderful it would be, if there was only one shop in Orchard, and that it sells only one choice and all you got to choose is small, medium or large.

After an hour or so of wasted time shopping, I decided to step into Kinokuniya. It is after all my favorite shop in Singapore. In any case, there was a certain book that I have taken great interest into. The title by Milan Kundera is The Book of Laughter and Forgetting. Couple of months ago, I had added this book into my list of to haves. I was particular intrigued by a review which describes his book as book that describes that when we die, what we lose is not the future, but the past. We can forget the past, but is it possible to lose the past? Mitch Abom did a good job with his books Tuesday with Morris and the thought of being disappointed with a book of similar genre by Kundera off-set my intention to purchase it. But anyway it is still in my list of to haves.

As usual, I saw many other books that I liked.

There was a book called “The Reason Why I am Not a Christian.” I wanted to buy it somewhat to spite my parents on why I stopped going to church since they are such fervent Christians which inevitably often ticks me off. I never liked the fact that they made me go to Sunday school when I was young.

There was a book on philosophy on life, book by Murakami which I adore and respect as an author. There was a rather wittingly written book about the contradictions and ironies of life which permeates society. I find it strange that for some prisoners they are given the privilege to have a “last cigarette” before they are sentenced to death, and in some others, smoking is banned in totality in prison campuses. I really wanted to buy it but the fucking book was bright pink is color and it was $30! (note* I would have bought it if it was not pink)

I ended up buying a book called “We Need to Talk About Kevin” by Lionel Shriver. You will not believe why I chose this book. I chose it because the little boy in the cover looked cute. After two fucking hours of headache in deciding what book to buy, I bought a book because of the cover! Sometimes I really hate the choices that I make.

The story of Tom and the Penguin

Tom on his first day of school meets this girl May and spoke briefly to her as how a passing acquaintance would. May is polite and petite and at first impression, seems like someone he can talk to. Tom immediately takes a liking to her, not as a boy-girl attraction, but her as an individual. Unfortunately, the conversation was short lived.

Tom has never got a chance to talk to her. Maybe Tom did have a chance at many occasions but none of which seems natural to him to strike a conversation; when they walked passed each other, or when she just stood in front of him in a queue. As time went by, it seemed as though Tom and May’s first meeting had never existed. It is as if Tom is wondering whether May recognizes him since they had never formally introduced and hat it would be rather awkward to actually say hello or acknowledge the presence of one another.

Thus a year passed by quickly and Tom hears nothing from May, nor May of Tom. However, Tom hears about May from friends who know her. As a matter of fact, Tom only knew that her name was May because his friends talked about her.

This scenario gets a little bit complicated. You see, this situation is like that of which a celebrity faces. We hear a lot of celebrities from external sources such as the news, paparazzi and the magazines and have easily information on certain aspects of their personal life; where they have been recently and their likes/ dislikes. What happens than when we actually meet that celebrity face to face? I recall reading an account of a celebrity who mentioned of how some of their fans approach them like they think that the celebrity is a close friend of theirs just because they know something personal about the celebrity’s life. But truth is that there is no relationship at all and there is no way to fix or advance a relationship that does not exist.

Now extrapolate this into the situation Tom is facing. Tom knows that this girl’s name is May and a little about her but not sure whether May knows who he is. So what does Tom say to her the next time he sees her?

“Hi May, my name is Tom” – Sounds like a stalker

“Hello, my name is Tom. You are?” – Sounds like a stalker who is pretending not to be one

Even a simple exchange of a smile or eye contact is difficult because there is no way Tom can know how such a friendly gesture may be interpreted as.

You must be laughing at Tom. “Hahaha. Simple problem, make it sound so complicated!” Maybe it is, or maybe because that Tom is innately shy.

So today Tom was in class today reading during break time and May was sitting behind him and she tells a joke to a friend beside her:

May: “My mother told me a joke last night about a Qi Er (Penguin)”

Friend: “What is it?”

May: “Well my mother was trying to explain to me why the front of a penguin is white and the back is black”

Friend: Why is that?

May: You must imagine the movement of the penguin for it to be funny. Because when the penguin baths it can only reach the small portion in front of it and not behind

Tom is not trying to evedrop but the thing of trying not to overhear a conversation is the same as trying not to think of the pink elephant- You can never succeed! If you do not believe try it. For the next 10 seconds do not think of the pink elephant and if you succeed tell me how. But anyway, Tom upon hearing the joke bursts out laughing (He has a thing for penguins) and tries to hide it. He wishes to return another penguin joke but it would seem rude to him if he reveals that he heard the entire conversation. Thus the best response to him is no response.

Anyway, it so happens that a female friend of Tom approached Tom yesterday and she asked Tom for a favour to help introduce a crush she has to her. So today, Tom went to that guy the girl likes and got his hand phone number and MSN contact for her. Suddenly, Tom’s dilemma suddenly felt entirely stupid and trivial and Tom thinks to himself, “What the hell? If a girl can go to such extremes to create a chance for herself, why can’t he do what he wants to do?”

So Tom goes home today, gets May’s contact through a friend and shares the penguin joke with her.

The End

eeeee beetle

This post is dedicated to the most irritating person alive. Here is a picture of him:
(Note* I wanted to draw petty things on his photograph such as panda eye or a pig nose as a form of childish insult but apparently he saved me the trouble):




















A Few days back:

Alvin -- > I love you Steve! said:

u look hot nowadays. what u did ?

mok said:

erm cut my hair thats all lol

Alvin -- > I love you Steve! said:

must be more than that

mok said:

what i do?

Alvin -- > I love you Steve! said:

i'm asking u

mok said:

i din do anyuting la except cut my hair.. serious

Alvin -- > I love you Steve! said:

ok lo

Alvin -- > I love you Steve! said:

look hot is good

Alvin -- > Stop burning your forest, you stupid people says (00:33):

mok

mok says (00:33):

sup

Alvin -- > Stop burning your forest, you stupid people says (00:33):

can i confess something to u?

mok says (00:34):

what is it?

Alvin -- > Stop burning your forest, you stupid people says (00:34):

i kinda like u..

mok says (00:34):

erm ya as frens ya

Alvin -- > Stop burning your forest, you stupid people says (00:35):

i was actually testing myself

Alvin -- > Stop burning your forest, you stupid people says (00:35):

i tot i actually like u

Alvin -- > Stop burning your forest, you stupid people says (00:35):

but when i was confessing, i don't feel any blush or blood rushing to my head.

Alvin -- > Stop burning your forest, you stupid people says (00:35):

so thank god. it's just friend .

mok says (00:35):

chey

Alvin -- > Stop burning your forest, you stupid people says (00:36):

but u are like ah

Alvin -- > Stop burning your forest, you stupid people says (00:36):

yesterday i can't help but to steal glances of u

Alvin -- > Stop burning your forest, you stupid people says (00:36):

i feel so wrong..

Alvin -- > Stop burning your forest, you stupid people says (00:36):

but i can't help it

Alvin -- > Stop burning your forest, you stupid people says (00:40):

today luckily i didn't see u

Alvin -- > Stop burning your forest, you stupid people says (00:45):

hey

mok says (00:45):

hmm

Alvin -- > Stop burning your forest, you stupid people says (00:45):

u are not Shocked?

mok says (00:45):

am i supposed to be

Alvin -- > Stop burning your forest, you stupid people says (00:46):

i don't know

Alvin -- > Stop burning your forest, you stupid people says (00:46):

but u are quite cute actually

Alvin -- > Stop burning your forest, you stupid people says (00:46):

i noticed u since the 1st day of school

Alvin -- > Stop burning your forest, you stupid people says (00:46):

as in 2 sems ago

Alvin -- > Stop burning your forest, you stupid people says (01:01):

do u like me?

mok says (01:01):

nope dun like anyone atm

Alvin -- > Stop burning your forest, you stupid people says (01:02):

do u think u may like me in the future?

Alvin -- > Stop burning your forest, you stupid people says (01:04):

i'm not joking u know

mok says (01:05):

ya i know just thinking of the best way to put it to u... but i think this is the best la.. i like girls and i like being single

mok says (01:05):

and i don't have any intention to get attached or get into any relationship until my career is stable

mok says (01:05):

and i am financially sound

Alvin -- > Stop burning your forest, you stupid people says (01:05):

i'm sorry...

mok says (01:05):

naw its ok i respect what u tell me

mok says (01:05):

and u as an individual

Last Night:

Seriously man. What part of my conversation do you not understand? Should I be more direct and tell you that I like chicks with tits not chicks with dicks? I try to the best of my ability to treat everyone with all the respect they deserve as an individual but you are seriously crossing the line here to the point of annoyance.

"EEEEEEEEE A BEATLE"... I mean common lah. Even if you were a girl I'll minus 50 points for being a stupid twit. Since either you don't get the picture that for me, male + male = no thanks and that you are stupid, or you just don't see that being persistent does not count as determination but rather as harassment, I shall not reserve any kindness to keep this as discrete as possible.

NO I DO NOT WANT TO GO SWIMMING WITH YOU

NO YOU MAY NOT COME TO MY HOUSE

NO I DO NOT WISH TO STAY OVER AT YOUR CHALET

NO I DO NOT WANT YOU TO SEND ME ANY PORN

NO I DO NOT WANT TO WATCH PORN WITH YOU OR CONSIDER WANKING OFF WITH YOU TO ANY COW DOG AND CAT HAVING SEX

WHETHER I WATCH PORN OR NOT IS NON OF YOUR BUSINESS

NO YOU ARE NOT CUTE.

NO I WILL NOT LIKE YOU ANYTIME IN THE NEAR OR DISTANT FUTURE EVEN IF YOU AND I ARE THE LAST PEOPLE ALIVE.

NO I AM NOT SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO BOYS

YES I LIKE GIRLS. YES I LIKE GIRLS.

Amen.

Three Dollars

My favourite two paragraphs from Three Dollars by Elliot Perlman:

"My concentration seemed to evaporate on contact with any of the required reading and I found myself attempting to learn by rote, a sure sign of quintessential floundering. I paced my bedroom repeated with emphasis that it is movements of the earth's crust along with subsequent weathering and rock displacement that provides for mineral formation and relocation into the site lines. I understood what they were but it was at this point that my attention would float off the page to a world where there was no fault and the original layers of rock formed by sedimentary or chemical processes were never distorted into folds to produce synclines and anticlines, but rather that we were always inclined toward each other, as we were at the beginning.

I knew that where the folding is sufficiently severe, the rock is frequently heavily fractured, particularly where it is under tension. But equilibrium on the surface of the earth was a thing of the past. At the end of four or more hours at my desk, this was all I really knew."


Take some time to reflect on it; it is filled with many double entendres with emotions disguised wittily as geographic facts and how they are merged together to display how human emotions permeates forcefully inside the minds of an individual.

See and you will believe, know and you will achieve

I had a coach in secondary three while studying in ACS(I). He was a short man, overly tanned, armed with a muscular upper body and supported by chopstick legs. His name was Mr See Teck Hock a man in his thirties who had a reputation among the student body as a very strict teacher and being a devil canoeing coach. Before I joined the canoeing team I had previously two core curriculum activities (CCAs). I left my second CCA at the end of secondary two with acrimonious feelings that it was just a waste of time. I felt that CCAs was probably going teach me useless skills and I felt that CCAs was not going to support me in the later parts of my life. My peers and also my teachers were often encouraging me to take part in one and that it would benefit me with the PEARLS point that I could accumulate for my Junior College applications.

At that time, I was what my teachers refer to as a problematic student. I do not know what came over me, looking back I guess I had a very short temper and carried with me a kind of anger that stayed with me controlled in between the breaths of air that I took. It was definitely there even in times when I was silent. My form teacher in Secondary Three Ms Siao Lay Kuan, she recognized it and also partly because of my under-performance for my academia. Besides the gifted educational programs offered by my educational institution, my class was considered the best secondary three to four class for academic performances. I never asked to be placed there nor requested for triple science. As a matter of fact I wanted to enter the ordinary two sciences program that the majority of my friends were posted to. The school disagreed with my decision because of my excellent grades I achieved in secondary two and thus left me no choice in the selection of classes. I felt there was no point in doing well if it was going to leave you unhappy with the outcome of it and thus I decided to deliberately do badly. This was a major contribution to the declination of my academic performances and another reason why Siao Lay Kuan often wanted to “talk” to me. I got angry at her for trying to talk to me. I never liked to talk about my feelings and often bottled them up. One day when she called me out for a “talk session” after class, I snapped at her Sotto voce and called her a bitch. After that event she decided to send me for some counselling sessions.

You can imagine how my secondary three life was like. The canoeing club was founded in the February of that year. I remember some of my closer friends joining the club in the beginning of the year. The reason why I decided to join the club later was because I was observing the changes that were going on in the lives of my friends in the club. What I observed was not what the eyes can see. I saw the kind of determination, an inner strength, discipline and focus that they carried throughout everything in their lives ever since they entered the club. After they won a canoeing medal (I think it was bronze), I knew it in my heart that it definitely came from the canoeing club. I was filled by a kind of craze to know what was so special about the canoeing club that can change so many people’s lives so radically in such a short of period of time. It was than that I decided to enter the club too.

I do not wish to talk about the kind of training that we had to undergo. You may be able to picture it in your head once you know that Mr See Teck Hock was a devil coach. But anyways, why I wrote this boring account of my life was because I needed to reminiscence how this was such an important turning point in my life. You see, Mr See was a really special man, it is with great regret that I only realized this recently after reading a sports magazine while having my hair cut. In that magazine, it wrote about various articles about sportsmanship and also about an event when an ACS(I) rugby player, kicked the head of another player and also bit him in the arm while playing a rugby tournament an epitome of bad sportsmanship. In the magazine, it emphasized that too often schools, in the pursuit of winning Gold Medals, have often missed the whole purpose of the game of sports. How true they were on this; too often have I heard that the club was going to be closed because it was draining too much of the school funds and not performing to its expectations and thus it would be a better use of the sports funds to use it more on the higher profile sports such as swimming and rugby. It is pretty ironic that it is the same adults and teachers that are telling us not to give up when the going gets tough and crap like that. But anyways, in the school’s pursuit of these medals, and the coaches increasing pressure to deliver the results expected of them, they forget that the purpose of sports is to cultivate character in the people who participate in them. It is this character that actually wins games and tournaments and commands the respect of the people watching the game. Looking back, Mr See actually understood this. This is why he reprimanded us while we were training for things I did not really understand then.

A lesson I will never forget is this: We had a junior who was doing push ups with us, and halfway through almost at our 4th set, he was at his limit- he just could not move his arms any more while the rest were still okay. All of us decided to just finish up our set of push-ups and be over with it. Yet, Mr See was angry with us for not helping our weaker peers out, nor slowing down for them and like the current electric herd of mindless cattle, for obeying the law of the jungle or Darwin's law of natural selection where the weak perishes and the strong survives. It was an anger that carried a tone of disappointment that you will remember for life. Eight years later as of now, I still do and act on it with great faith, even though it sometimes makes me feel like a loser in life, where to slow down would be going against the flow of the river in an increasingly hostile, competitive and unforgiving environment.

Another lesson he wanted us to know was the importance of punctuality. He told us that while we think that being five minutes late is of little significance, the act of being late can be seen that you do not value the importance of the person that is waiting for you or the importance of them or their dreams. It sounds harsh but I found it true while training in harsh conditions. You see, we only have around two hours of water training each session and being just five minutes late will signify five minutes off the entire team training and the disappointment of them in you for taking the teams goals for granted.

The greatest lesson and also most treasured lesson of mine is this:
The ACS(I) canoeing team with only one year infancy was regarded as the underdogs in the nationals. No schools regarded us as of any challenge and significance. Even worse, we were often intimidated by the other national players from the other schools such as SJI which was indubitably the national champions for many consecutive years. Mr See he knew of our concerns and he would often use as an anecdote a story of the puffer fish and the shark in the sea. In his opinion, we were the little puffer fish in the sea and SJI were the sharks. He wanted us to, just like the puffer fish, if it was being threatened by the shark to give it one hell of a fight and not to go down without letting our opponents know that just because of our small size, we are not to be taken lightly.

There were many more lessons but these were the ones most important to me. Mr See truly believed in first cultivating character to enable a person to succeed in sports and eventually become a winner later in life. The reason why I am here today is because of everything he taught. I do not believe I would have made it through my O’ levels if it were not for him. It was because Mr See insisted on seeing each member’s report card after every examination even though he was not in charge of my class of any subjects that I took my studies seriously.

The most significant part of my life was actually the result of all the training we endured. At the day of the canoeing nationals around August of my secondary 4 year, our team managed to win a gold metal, securing the overall championship for the entire B division team. If there is such a thing as miracles in this world we live, that was my miracle. A miracle so intense and of which we knew we did not win by being merely a stronger team, but by grace of which we were undeserving of, that the entire team broke down in tears that streamed like a wave of unrestrained influenza as we gathered around in a circle offering our prayers of thanks after the nationals. I do not believe that words can fairly describe those feelings of undeserving joie de vivre euphoria. It was like planned chained of events from somewhere, somewhere out of our control, from above that won us the championships. We knew it from all the trainings in which there was a heavy downpour that lasted only as long as we were travelling from the school to our training ground where it would miraculously stop and leave us rainbows that ended where we gathered our canoes in the Kallang waters. The rainbows whispered into our hearts, and required us to cup our ears into the voices of the forgotten, that encouraged us and fuelled us with strength knowing that we were not alone. If it is true that the end of rainbows lays a pot of gold, than we were the gold for the moment it lasted. The time where we lost our winged pedal which was going to be used in the coming race, and three days later we found it lying buried in the sand, in an impeccable condition. What are the chances of that happening? The time in our doubles race that lay the decisive outcome that we were to win in the competition by merely one enigmatic point, where our SJI’s opponents pedal broke into two that left everyone's jaw gaping wide, encircling the two victims of circumstances with an ambiguous question mark. It is almost physically impossible to break a racing pedal consciously and even more impossible to break it while rowing. How is it not possible that we won by grace and grace alone? How is it possible that this is not a miracle and since it is one, would it be strange for the entire canoeing team to break down and cry and cry and cry. . .?

How far have I fallen from back then? Looking back it is amazing to know that whatever achievements I have received thus far was the result of using what coach taught me and by applying it to my every day life. It fills me with nostalgia and acts us my prophylactic for my sick longing of what was, that makes me feel like throwing up whenever I think of how miracles to me now is like a distant memory, an archaic word from a language no one here speaks of, except in the memories of what coach taught us in his lessons of life, to never falter, never give up, to be the puffer fish we are in every challenges we face and to make good the saying that in adversities, some people break down, while others . . . break away.