Why I hate shopping

I spent the afternoon today at Takashimaya’s Kinokuniya bookstore today. It was of my original intention to shop for some clothes but it was too crowded to my liking such that I had even trouble pacing my footsteps. Anyway, since I spent the day alone, I had a lot of time to organize my thoughts and observe the surroundings around me, of which unfortunately, many of them has left me disturbed and increasing perplexed.

It may seem heartless and hypocritical to even think or mention this in writings but over the years every time I walk through the underpass that leads Orchard MRT station to Wisma Atria, there is always this blind musician who plays the organ and sings along to crowd for a living. I have noticed him there ever since I was in Secondary two (that is roughly 9 years ago), and in my secondary school years I have always made it a point to give a little of my loose change to him. I guess that is the way I have been brought up, and I often recall during Primary school how my mother would give me a dollar to offer to the man sitting at the side of the aisle with an empty tin can in front of him, looking as pitiful as he can be. I do not know when the change began, but as I grew older, it has come to my realization that these people and that includes beggars has began to gradually irritate me. It is not because I despise their jobs and their inability to make decent living for themselves but it is the realization that, whatever pennies and I gave in the past years have not in the slightest way seem to improve their standard of living. In a way, it is a form of naivety thinking that I can somehow change the world in small acts of kindness.

There was originally one blind musician in that underpass before but today, what do I see? There are now a total of three guys sitting in that overly crowded aisle and I for one do not know to whom is more deserving of receiving the spare change that I carry in my wallet. Is the blind guy who plays music next to the crippled guy who is unable to use his limbs to play music more deserving of the penny I carry? It fills me with great regret and undeserving hypocrisy that when given such choices, the best course of action to me is inaction; if any form of altruism does not serve a purpose what is the point to it? Also I find it pretty ironic that the moving billboards along that underpass, warrants more attention than the fact that aisle is almost full of people in need of compassion and empathy, but are unable to gather the tiniest fraction amongst the tens of thousands of people that pass by each day with myself as a perfect example of how consumerism today has blinded myself and many others of their surroundings that really matter.

I walked into Top-shop, Lacoste, French Connection, Guess, Calvin Klein, Puma and Zara today. I suppose after walking through that underpass I was not in the mood to buy any clothes for myself not to mention the fact that facing so many choices of brands and merchandise around has rendered me unable to choose upon alternatives. I wanted a nice and comfortable sweater. Guess had one vintage piece in which I liked particularly. It costs $99. And than I was at Puma and upon the encouragement of my friends to buy a bag that is able to fit the things I carry to school, I noticed a brown sling bag that costs around the range of $80. I wanted a pair of T-shirt from Top-shop and FCUK too. It cost $49 and $69 respectively. Than I think to myself that I left home with the intention of spending no more than $120 and no matter what I choose, I am unable to buy even two of the items that I like. Any item that I choose will leave me unsatisfied not because I do not like the item, but because I know whatever I choose, I will end up regretting the purchase. So I think to myself how wonderful it would be, if there was only one shop in Orchard, and that it sells only one choice and all you got to choose is small, medium or large.

After an hour or so of wasted time shopping, I decided to step into Kinokuniya. It is after all my favorite shop in Singapore. In any case, there was a certain book that I have taken great interest into. The title by Milan Kundera is The Book of Laughter and Forgetting. Couple of months ago, I had added this book into my list of to haves. I was particular intrigued by a review which describes his book as book that describes that when we die, what we lose is not the future, but the past. We can forget the past, but is it possible to lose the past? Mitch Abom did a good job with his books Tuesday with Morris and the thought of being disappointed with a book of similar genre by Kundera off-set my intention to purchase it. But anyway it is still in my list of to haves.

As usual, I saw many other books that I liked.

There was a book called “The Reason Why I am Not a Christian.” I wanted to buy it somewhat to spite my parents on why I stopped going to church since they are such fervent Christians which inevitably often ticks me off. I never liked the fact that they made me go to Sunday school when I was young.

There was a book on philosophy on life, book by Murakami which I adore and respect as an author. There was a rather wittingly written book about the contradictions and ironies of life which permeates society. I find it strange that for some prisoners they are given the privilege to have a “last cigarette” before they are sentenced to death, and in some others, smoking is banned in totality in prison campuses. I really wanted to buy it but the fucking book was bright pink is color and it was $30! (note* I would have bought it if it was not pink)

I ended up buying a book called “We Need to Talk About Kevin” by Lionel Shriver. You will not believe why I chose this book. I chose it because the little boy in the cover looked cute. After two fucking hours of headache in deciding what book to buy, I bought a book because of the cover! Sometimes I really hate the choices that I make.