Solace

I promised to let you in on some of my thoughts regarding your April 12, 2006 blog post but I was really tired last night so I put down my thoughts into words before I went to bed. . . Anyway since it is in response to the post you have made, I'm dedicating this entry to you and will keep your identity anonymous to make it a little more special. . .

As you have asked in your Blog, “Have you ever pondered why sad people always listens to sad songs?” The question you posed has left me feeling perplexed since sometime back, but I have come up with a few theories on the answer to it which I shall try to answer to the best of my ability.

You said this:

“I tried sending happy, funny, comical cartoon songs to friends when they are sad. But it doesn't make them better. They listened, they laughed a bit, and turned back to sad, melancholy songs which make them cry even harder.”

In response to this, I cannot disagree with you on this. When a person is sad emotionally, in depth, what they seek is not actually to be happy. Think about this situation: We work really, really hard for the upcoming examinations, but still we fail in our papers or do not get the grades we expect for the work we put in. We thus feel disappointed, and sad at the outcome. Have not we all faced this situation? Than we see our friend who topped the class with really good grades but the effort that he/she put in did not justify the success he received? What do we do now? I think most people will avoid that friend of ours and seek out people who fall within similar predicaments as us.

There is a scientific explanation to this. It is called the universal law of attraction which exists in human relationships. We have a tendency to attract people who are at the same emotional and spiritual level as ourselves. More simply put, like attracts like: Just as happy people attract happy people, similarly, sad people attract sad people toward them.

We’re not actively seeking for happiness at that situation, but more specifically we desire comfort, or solace. It makes sense, otherwise we would not be avoiding that happy friend of ours with really good grades. What we really want is for someone to understand the feelings we are facing, to empathize with us, even if it makes us feeling sadder than we were before and angrier at how unfair the results were.

One article I’ve read describes why people are attracted to sad things or people. It says: “Identifying with such an individual legitimatize ones own sadness and feeling of inferiority. One gains solace from all this and feels better knowing one is not alone in his unfortunate circumstances”

In another article, an interview with an Indian family who was forced to move to India during the partition it underwent, the wife said this “I was angry but when you see so many people with the same problems, you know it’s not just happening to you. It was not a personal suffering.”

So we find solace from knowing we are not suffering alone. . . and I agree with you that a sad song, a sad word, a melancholy feeling isn't that bad after all as long as it can make us feel better. Even better than better, the next time a friend of yours is feeling sad, don't even bother trying to sending a cheerful song. Rather just offer a shoulder for them to lean on, offer a listening ear and if you able to, try not to hold back the tears you have and shed some tears together with that special friend of yours because that to me, is the comfort that we all seek (even if it is unknowingly) when we face a moment of sadness- To not just to receive love and concern from the people around us, but more importantly empathy and understanding. . . :)